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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27393778">NCT, my home</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AprilJuneJuly/pseuds/AprilJuneJuly'>AprilJuneJuly</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Huang Ren Jun-centric, OT7 NCT Dream, Past Child Abuse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 00:27:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,300</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27393778</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AprilJuneJuly/pseuds/AprilJuneJuly</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Renjun can’t run from his past forever.</p><p>After many years of abuse from his father, Renjun has tried to move on and make a life in Korea. But when all the memories from his childhood come rushing back like a slap to the face, he must learn to trust his members and detach from what has haunted him his whole life.</p><p>And finally find his home.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Huang Ren Jun/Mark Lee, Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Huang Ren Jun/Park Jisung, Huang Ren Jun/Zhong Chen Le</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>225</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> “And where do you think you’re going?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Renjun gulped, his hand freezing on the door knob. His whole body tensed, the stern voice paralyzing him where he stood, still as a mannequin. All at once the little bit of confidence he had earlier possessed evaporated, leaving an immense amount of dread in its place. Mentally cursing himself, he squeezed his eyes shut and willed for the whole situation to be a nightmare. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> ”I said, where do you think you’re going?” Renjun was asked again when he didn’t reply. The sharp voice broke through the silence like a knife, bringing him back to reality to realize he couldn’t wish his problems away. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> He turned around slowly, staring at the ground and not even daring to breathe as he responded in a small voice, “I was just going to hang out at a friend’s house.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Renjun’s father scoffed and crossed his arms, his dark, merciless eyes even more intimidating than his broad, muscular figure. “I don’t recall you ever asking to leave the house.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Renjun took in a shaky breath and tried to sound calm, but fear was clouding his mind, taking over every action. “I, I tho-thought you were, were asleep.” Hating the way his voice trembled, he cleared his throat and quickly added, “I didn’t want to disturb you,” as though his father would back down due to his feeble excuse. In fact, Renjun’s words only seemed to anger his father further. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I’ve told you, you are not to leave this house unless it’s to go to school,” his father seethed, fury growing with every word. His eyes were wild, like a wolf about to attack. “How many times do I have to punish you before you learn your lesson? Huh?” He took a step toward Renjun, and uncrossed his arms. Not looking for a response, he grumbled, “Stupid boy.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Panic blossomed in Renjun’s chest the moment his father stepped closer, and in defense Renjun took a step back, only for his back to hit the door. Nothing but horror filled his mind when he realized he was trapped. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I promise not to do it again,” Renjun pleaded, not even noticing the tears leaking from his own eyes. Though he knew begging for sympathy never worked on his father, he couldn’t think of anything else to do. Now he was going to pay for his mistake. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> His father laughed at his weak attempt to compromise. “It’s too late for apologies. You know what happens when you misbehave.” As his father came closer Renjun’s level of anxiety increased. He had been in trouble enough times to know the consequences. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> All Renjun wanted to do was shut his eyes and pretend that he was in another place. A place where his father wasn’t looking for any excuse to hit his son. A place where his mother didn’t work endless shifts during the day, only to come home after Renjun was asleep. A place where he wasn’t unsafe in his own home.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> There were some days when he wished he weren’t alive. Where he just wanted his father to end his suffering and kill him already. But day after day he held on, even if it was just by a mere thread, his love for singing and dream that one day he could escape the prison he was confined in gave him hope. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> With the fire inside him reignited, he lifted his chin and tried to hide his fear under a mask of fake confidence. He made direct eye contact with the ruthless man in front of him that he was forced to call a father and braced himself for the fist to make brutal contact with his face. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> And at once his world exploded into a blur of pain. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Renjun woke from his nightmare to the unmistakable blaring of his alarm clock. For a moment he forgot where he was, his dream still vivid in his mind with his father’s voice echoing through his brain.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t like it was the first time he had dreamt of his abusive father, but it still felt like reopening an old wound. A wound that, unfortunately, would never fully heal.</p><p> </p><p>He was young when the memory took place, but he still remembered every moment. It was naive of him to believe he could leave the house without his father knowing, but at the time he couldn’t stand staying cooped up in his room any longer.</p><p> </p><p>A shiver of fear ran down his back when he thought about the jarring punch that had landed harshly on his face, and the long night of beating that had followed. Deep down he knew that his father could no longer hurt him, he was a whole country away after all! But years of constant assault and fear didn’t fade easily, and his recurring nightmares didn’t help the process.</p><p> </p><p>A groan from across the room interrupted Renjun’s thoughts and brought him back to the present. </p><p> </p><p>“Renjun-hyungggggg, turn off the alarm,” Jisung whined from the opposite side of the room. The maknae was sprawled out on his own bed, arms and legs bent in every direction possible, obviously waking from a much more peaceful sleep than Renjun’s.</p><p> </p><p>Instinctively, Renjun reached out to his nightstand to silence the shrieking alarm. When the room fell silent again he rested his head on his pillow and stared at the ceiling, debating whether or not he should get up. Tiredness clung to his eyelids, weighing them down and making it difficult to stay awake. </p><p> </p><p>Recently, he had been having a lot more flashbacks to his horrific childhood, probably a result of the stress NCT’s recent comeback brought. Last night he had barely had the energy to wipe the makeup off his face and change into his pajamas before passing out from exhaustion on his bed. Unfortunately, his nightmare had kept him from getting any restful sleep, and he felt just as tired as he did the day before. </p><p> </p><p>After a moment he figured that getting up and at least <em> trying </em> to be productive would be a better option than dwelling on the past or falling into another fitful slumber. Besides, he had another schedule that day, and he knew getting up would be harder and harder every minute he stayed in bed.</p><p> </p><p>He held back a groan as he thought about the day’s packed schedule. Recently, their schedules were never-ending. Lasting from the moment he woke to the second his head hit the pillow.</p><p> </p><p>Gathering up all the energy he had left, he rose from his bed with a tired groan and stretched out his tense muscles. Before leaving the room he went over to where Jisung laid, still asleep, and ruffled his hair fondly, earning a low grumble in response. </p><p> </p><p>When he entered the small kitchen he wasn’t surprised to see Jaemin already there, leaning over the counter and scrolling on his phone, a mug of dark, rich coffee in his hand. Although Jaemin had lowered his daily coffee intake the past year, he still drank more than all of the Dreamies combined, unable to help but feed his addiction.</p><p> </p><p>The two greeted each other and Renjun greedily poured himself a large cup of coffee. Taking a seat across from Jaemin he mindlessly stirred his coffee and took a sip, grateful for the buzz of energy and awakeness the drink gave him.</p><p> </p><p>“Busy schedule today,” Jaemin commented, his eyes still glued to his phone.</p><p> </p><p>Renjun sighed, “Don’t remind me.”</p><p> </p><p>The second he spoke he knew that he had made a grave mistake. His voice sounded not only fatigued to the point of exhaustion, but also pained, like he was about to burst into tears. Which, after the night he had, was a strong possibility. </p><p> </p><p>He never wanted any of his members to be worried about him. Every one of them had enough to stress about, they didn’t need to know Renjun’s problems too. Besides, as the oldest of the Dream members (not including Mark), he automatically carried the responsibility to take care of his younger members. Not the other way around.</p><p> </p><p>That’s why he always dismissed their concerns, denied their worries, and went great lengths to keep them from knowing when he was struggling. When they became suspicious of his reassurances he told jokes, hiding behind a wall of comedy that kept his traumatic childhood or overwhelming stress away from their prying eyes.</p><p> </p><p>He was almost always able to fool his members and convince them not to worry, but Jaemin had always been too perceptive for his own good. Had always had the strong instinct to protect and care for the people he was close to. It was like he had a sixth sense to know when something was up, which made Renjun’s life just that much more difficult.</p><p> </p><p>The moment Renjun spoke Jaemin’s head snapped up, and his mouth instantly curved into a concerned frown, “What’s wrong?” </p><p> </p><p>His eyes were filled with so much worry it tugged at Renjun’s heart. It pained him to lie to any of his members, but it was especially hard to lie to Jaemin, the most selfless and genuine person he had ever met.</p><p> </p><p>Renjun held his gaze, unable to look away, but unable to answer. His silence only seemed to elevate Jaemin’s worry, and he questioned again, “Renjun?” </p><p> </p><p>Jaemin slowly reached over to take Renjun’s hand, when their manager barged into the room.</p><p> </p><p>Renjun quickly pulled his hands out of reach and turned to face their manager. Relief flooded through his body from avoiding Jaemin’s concerns. He knew Jaemin would ask him again, but at the moment he was saved.</p><p> </p><p>“Hurry up and get ready,” their manager gruffed, “We have to be at the company building in an hour.” With a deep frown he observed the two idols, “Please tell me Jisung isn't still sleeping.”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, I’ll go wake him up,” Renjun responded, more than happy to leave the tense atmosphere in the kitchen. </p><p> </p><p>Their manager nodded and left back down the hallway, and Renjun jumped off his seat to follow him when Jaemin grabbed his wrist rather harshly. </p><p> </p><p>“We’ll talk about this later,” Jaemin commanded, his gaze hard and serious, leaving no room for argument.</p><p> </p><p>Renjun simply nodded and yanked his wrist out of Jaemin’s grasp, knowing the discussion was unavoidable. He swiftly made his way down the hallway to his and Jisung’s room, his wrist burning from Jaemin’s touch, as memories clouded his mind.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Did I write this instead of my English essay that’s due soon?</p><p>Yes, yes I did.</p><p> <br/>Is it my fault for procrastinating?</p><p>...................yes, yes it is.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> “Mom, it hurts,” Renjun whimpered. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It was raining harshly, the clouds generously showering the city with limitless buckets of rainwater. Small streams formed on the sides of the roads, flowing rapidly into storm drains. The wind howled in distress, hitting trees with such force that they bent from the pressure. Droplets of water plummeted through the air and bounced off of the windows with a soft pitter patter. The sky was a grumpy shade of gray, conveniently matching the somber mood inside the house. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Some people like the rain. They like how it makes them feel safe and warm inside their home. But to Renjun, it just made him feel more trapped, like the downpour was just another barrier blocking him from the world outside his suffocating house. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I know honey, it’ll feel better soon, I promise,” Renjun’s mother comforted, her voice calm and melodic as she gently rubbed soothing circles on her son’s back, “It’s going to be okay.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Renjun sat stiffly on the edge of his bed next to his mother, holding his aching wrist close to his chest. His injured wrist pulsed with pain, sending waves of unbearable discomfort throughout his whole body. Sniffling, he glanced down at the source of his misery, but catching sight of the gruesome injury only caused his pain to multiply. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Dark bruises had already begun to form all around his left wrist, ranging in various shades of blue and black. It was heavily swollen and disformed, and the sight made Renjun want to tear his own arm off to escape the pain. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> With a gut-wrenching cry of agony he curled into his mother, desperate for any source of relief to numb his pain. He had been through many injuries in his life, had even suffered through worse ones than his damaged wrist, but it never made the pain any easier to bear.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Please make it stop,” he begged his mother, his eyes squeezed shut while tears leaked onto his cheeks.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> His mother sighed deeply, tiredness radiating from her in waves, heavy and suffocating. Her dark chestnut eyes were sunken and empty, like her ability to express any emotion was stripped away. Or maybe no emotions had ever formed to begin with. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I’ll go get you some ice,” she whispered in a monotone voice, already lifting herself off the bed. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> As soon as she took a step towards the door Renjun was thrown into a panicked frenzy. “Don’t go,” he cried, his voice high and crazed. He grabbed her arm tightly with his non-injured hand, halting her movement. “Don’t leave me alone. Please,” he pleaded desperately, pure terror coating his words. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Just the thought of being alone sent dread throughout his tired limbs and made his mind flash to the recent memory of his father slamming him into the ground forcefully. He was lucky his wrist took the brunt of the damage, he didn’t want to think about what would have happened if he had hit his head on the hard kitchen floor instead. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> When his mother recognized how distressed her son was, she placed her hand softly on his. “Ice will bring down the swelling and numb the pain,” she reasoned, speaking as though she was reciting information from a textbook. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Renjun simply shook his head as silent tears streamed from his eyes, not thinking comprehensively enough to form any words. His fear of his father was by far stronger than any pain he had ever felt. And the last thing he wanted was to be without the close protection of his mother, the one thing that could keep his father at bay. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Just stay,” he was finally about to choke out, refusing to loosen his tight grip on her arm. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> After a moment his mother responded with a reassuring nod and sat back down next to him. He settled his head on her shoulder and she carefully wrapped her arm around his slim waist. She was impossibly still, and if it weren't for her slow and calming breaths she could have passed as a statue.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Renjun eventually relaxed enough to fall into a dreamless sleep, but not before wondering how someone could be so physically close, yet feel so far away. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Renjun watched as a small raindrop plopped onto the car window. His eyes followed the raindrop as it slid down the smooth glass and trickled into another drop of rain, merging them into a slightly larger raindrop. Now double in size, the growing drop of water flowed at an angle, propelled by the wind, as it engulfed other raindrops in its path.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t raining hard, there was just a light drizzle, but it was enough to dampen not only the bustling city, but also Renjun’s mood.</p><p> </p><p>He was sitting secluded in the back of the car on the way to the company building, while Jaemin, Jeno, and Jisung sat in the front. The car was unusually silent, everyone was either too tired or too absorbed in their phones to bother making conversation. He was grateful though, he didn’t feel like talking to any of his friends with his current fragile mindset.</p><p> </p><p>Then, out of nowhere, the car made an abrupt stop, tires screeching as they protested against the immediate halt. Everyone in the car was shoved forward brutally, their seatbelts the only thing keeping them from flying forward. </p><p> </p><p>Renjun could hear angry honks from various cars on the road, including the one he was in, and his mager cursed shamelessly. </p><p> </p><p>A spike of alarm shot up his spine, but when the honks stopped and he realized no one had crashed, he immediately relaxed. The car continued calmly down the busy road as if the incident had never happened.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry kiddos,” his manager apologized from where he sat in the driver’s seat, his tone casual, “The light turned red really suddenly, and the rain made the roads too slippery to stop. But, on the bright side, we’re here now.”</p><p> </p><p>Renjun glanced out his window and spotted the all too familiar SM building. Just the sight of the building alone was enough to send him spiraling through memories. </p><p> </p><p>When he had first been accepted into SM Entertainment, he had been overjoyed, ready to finally leave his past behind and make a new life without the threat of his father looming overhead. Little did he know that life as an idol was filled with infinite hardships and struggles that were nearly impossible to overcome. But somehow, he was able to push back against everything that stood to tear him down, despite his haunting upbringing. </p><p> </p><p>He had decided long ago to forget about his past, to pretend his family wasn’t as irreparable as a shattered mirror. But the fear of his father’s rage was like a tumor growing steadily inside of him. Steadily increasing the longer he disregarded it, infecting his sleep every time he closed his eyes, and his thoughts every time he had a moment to think.</p><p> </p><p>And in his mind it festered, slowly and undoubtedly destroying him from the inside out.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>By the time Renjun made it to the practice room, the other members in his team were already there. Doyoung, Haechan, Kun, Chenle, Taeil, and Yuta were seated in a circle on the wooden floor, taking turns practicing their lines for the rapidly approaching comeback.</p><p> </p><p>Yuta was in the middle of belting a rather high note when Renjun banged open the door and scurried hastily into the room. “I know I’m late!” he panted, out of breath from sprinting up several flights of stairs, “I’m sorry, I came as fast as I could.”</p><p> </p><p>Not only had Jisung woken up late, slowing the others down, but the traffic on the way to the company building had been so excruciating he wasn’t surprised his manager had almost run a red light.</p><p> </p><p>Luckily, the other members didn’t look annoyed, in fact, they just seemed amused.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine, Renjun,” Doyoung assured him, the bunny-like idol’s lips twisted in a soft smile, “Come sit down and we can go over your lines.”</p><p> </p><p>Renjun happily obeyed and took a spot in between Kun, who ruffled his hair affectionately, and Haechan, who deliberately elbowed him in the side. In return, he glared at Haechan, though his glare was filled with humor instead of venom. </p><p> </p><p>Haechan responded by acting innocent, widening his eyes and pouting his lips, “What, Injunnie?”</p><p> </p><p>Renjun opened his mouth to give a joking retort when Doyoung gave them a stern warning, “Guys, focus please.”</p><p> </p><p>Immediately, Renjun’s brain went into focus mode and they began to practice, he and Haechan’s earlier antics already forgotten. </p><p> </p><p>They went around the circle they had formed, taking turns singing their lines and harmonizing with each other while the older and more experienced members offered advice. The room was soon filled with angel-like vocals and electrifying melodies, each member equally passionate and breath-taking with their part.</p><p> </p><p>Renjun always found it amusing how NCT as a group could appear so crazy and chaotic, especially on camera, but as soon as music began to play it was as if something phenomenal inside of them took over, responding to the music with their voices and bodies as if on instinct.</p><p> </p><p>It was in those moments that Renjun knew with absolute certainty that he was meant to be a singer and dancer. That fate, however cruel and unexpecting it might be, had pushed him down the right path. </p><p> </p><p>After practicing for a while, Doyoung, as the unofficial leader of their team, made the executive decision to end practice for the day.</p><p> </p><p>“We should visit the Make A Wish team,” Haechan suggested, “Maybe they can show us a few moves.”</p><p> </p><p>“What, can I not show you?” Doyoung scoffed from across the room where he was packing his bag. Being the only member promoting in two teams at the same time, Doyoung hopped between both practice rooms, unable to help but miss practice every now and then.</p><p> </p><p>Haechan gave him an unimpressed look. “I’d much rather learn from Taeyong-hyung.”</p><p> </p><p>Doyoung rolled his eyes but didn’t complain any further, knowing that he would lose any argument against Haechan before it even started.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be over in a sec, I’m just going to get a drink of water first,” Renjun announced as his members started exiting the room, heading to greet the other team. He quickly moved to the corner of the room where a water dispenser was located and thirstily gulped down a cup of water. That’s when he noticed that he was not alone.</p><p> </p><p>Chenle was seated against the wall on the opposite side of the room, simply observing Renjun without saying a word. They were the only ones left in the room, which made discomfort prickle at Renjun’s skin.</p><p> </p><p>But before he could question his younger friend, Chenle asked in Chinese, “Are you okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Renjun froze, the cup still in his hand, and tried to sound nonchalant as he replied with a question, “What do you mean?”</p><p> </p><p>Chenle gave him a pointed look, but answered anyway, “Jaemin texted us--”</p><p> </p><p>“Us?” Renjun asked, already frowning. He knew Jaemin was concerned, but he didn’t expect his friend to add other members to the drama. The thought that 22 members would be watching him for signs of abnormal behaviour sent anxiety crawling through his skin.</p><p> </p><p>“Just me, Jeno, and Jisung,” Chenle informed, flooding Rejun's body with relief. “He used the group chat we made to plan your surprise birthday party. He said that he’s worried, that you’re acting weird.”</p><p> </p><p>Renjun stared at the floor, unable to make eye contact. His head throbbed from exhaustion and defeat, he was so <em> tired </em> of hiding his feelings, but he couldn’t just let them loose after holding them back for so long.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s you dad, isn’t it?”</p><p> </p><p>Renjun sucked in a deep breath, not entirely shocked that Chenle had guessed the origin of his stress. Chenle was the only one who knew about his insufferable family, and the only reason he knew was because he had overheard a conversation Renjun had had with his mother over the phone.</p><p> </p><p>Even though Chenle had known his secret for years, since before they even debuted, the two had never really talked about it, both preferring to pretend the situation was nonexistent. </p><p> </p><p>Though Renjun originally didn’t want <em> anyone </em> to know, he had to admit that having another person understand how messed up his whole childhood had been was comforting in a way. Like he wasn’t alone, especially at times like these where he had no one else to turn to when nightmares assaulted him in his sleep. </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder and glanced up to see Chenle standing right in front of him, his eyes overflowing with sympathy and kindness. Chenle didn’t hesitate to engulf him in a tight embrace, murmuring soft reassurances in his ear.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll always be here if you want to talk, you know that, right?” Chenle whispered, his arms still carefully yet securely wrapped around him. Renjun didn’t answer, too caught up in emotion and concentrating on not crying to respond. “I’m not going to tell anyone, and I’m not going to force you to tell anyone. Just remember that I love you, and you don’t need your dad, or either of your parents.”</p><p> </p><p>Chenle’s warmth and comfort sparked a memory in Renjun, of a time when his mother was the one hugging him. But where his mother’s embrace had lacked genuine and pure love, Chenle’s was overflowing with it.</p><p> </p><p>Thousands of panicked and stressed thoughts swirled in his mind, but he dismissed them all with a sigh of contentment, the peaceful moment too delicate and precious to waste.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope this didn’t disappoint. Thank you to everyone who gave me feedback. :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry this took so long, hope it doesn’t disappoint.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>“Come on, Renjun, it’d just be for a couple of hours.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Renjun sighed, annoyance stirring in his stomach. For the past week, his best friend Taio had been trying to convince him to go to his upcoming birthday party. And for the past week, Renjun had been repeatedly turning him down. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The first time Taio brought up the notion of inviting him to his birthday party, Renjun had been overjoyed. He had never been invited to a party, had never been close enough to any of his friends to get the chance. But like a bird shot out of the sky, his soaring happiness plummeted the second his father came into mind. He knew with utmost certainty that his father would never allow him to go to a party. Just the thought of asking his father for permission sent shivers down his spine.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Having to reject Taio’s invitation was the most gut-wrenching thing he had ever made himself do. Not only did it make him feel insanely disappointed and left out, but he also felt an immense amount of guilt. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Taio had been nothing but kind to him ever since they’d first met. When none of the other kids wanted to play with Renjun, Taio had gone out of his way to make sure he was included. He was the best, and only, friend Renjun had ever had.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And although he was the most trustworthy person in Renjun’s life, he still couldn’t bring himself to share the scars of his father’s abuse, or the bruises his mother’s bizzare neglect.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>So when Taio asked why he wouldn’t be able to go, Renjun simply answered that his parents wouldn’t let him. But his friend didn’t understand. How </span>
  </em>
  <span>could</span>
  <em>
    <span> he understand? Taio’s parents let their son do whatever he wanted to, so he could never imagine anything different. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>So everyday after school he would ask Renjun why he couldn't come to the party, despite getting the same answer every time. And when his continuous asking quickly morphed from sweet to irritating, Renjun decided that he had had enough.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“For the thousandth time, my parents won’t let me!” Renjun snapped, halting on the sidewalk that led them to their neighborhood. They had been carefreely strolling home from school like they did everyday, backpacks still hanging off their shoulders. It was a nice day out, the sun was shining unashamed, and there were zero clouds loitering around the vivid blue sky. But Renjun had finally reached his peak with his friend’s repeated question of the day.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Taio stopped too, a few steps ahead of Renjun, and spun around to stare wide-eyed at him, surprised at his usually quiet friend’s outburst. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“But you’re my best friend!” Taio exclaimed. “Best friends are supposed to share special moments together. Birthdays only come around once a year you know.” The corners of his mouth deepened into a pout, and he crossed his arms, staring accusingly at Renjun.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Renjun stared back desperately, wishing with all his might that his friend would understand. “I know, I know, I know. Maybe I can give you a present at school or something. I just can’t go to your house, my parents won’t let me no matter how much I beg.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“But that’s the problem, Renjun!” his friend fired back, his voice high and upset, “You’ve never even </span>
  </em>
  <span>been</span>
  <em>
    <span> to my house. My little sister has her friends around so often they practically live there. But you haven’t even been inside </span>
  </em>
  <span>once</span>
  <em>
    <span>!” He looked away from his friend, struggling to blink back tears as he added sadly, “I just want us to be normal friends. Outside of school it doesn’t feel like we’re friends at all.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Renjun felt his heart sink. He didn’t want to lose Taio. He was the only friend he had ever had. And in the moment, he couldn’t think of anything worse than throwing away such a valuable friendship over something as stupid as a party. He bit his lip before venturing hesitantly, “If I tell you the real reason why I can’t go, will you stop being mad at me and not ask anymore?”</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>
      <br/>
    </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Taio frowned, clearly puzzled. “I thought you said your parents won’t let you?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Well, yes, but, there’s more to it than that,” Renjun admitted.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He took in a deep breath to fill his body with confidence as Taio watched him curiously, though it did nothing to stop the slight trembling in his hands. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Before he had the chance to change his mind, he revealed, “Okay, the real reason I can’t go is because my father doesn’t let me leave the house. And if I try, h-he,” his voice faltered, but staring at his feet, he managed to whisper, “He hits me.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>There was a moment of extreme silence, as if the whole world was holding its breath, before Taio simply responded, “I don’t get it.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Renjun sighed, slightly frustrated with his friend’s lack of understanding. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I mean he pushes me or punches me or kicks me or-- he’s done it for as long as I can remember. If I ask to leave the house he gets mad, and if I come home late he gets even more upset.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>When he received no response from his friend he tore his gaze from his sneakers and finally looked up, only to be met with a mortified Taio.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>When he realized Renjun was waiting for him to say something, he gulped and softened his facial features. Blinking a couple of times as if he thought he was hallucinating.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“That’s a terrifying situation,” he started carefully and slowly. Renjun nodded his head in agreement, until he finished, “And I want nothing to do it.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Bewildered, Renjun let out a sharp, “Wait, what? What do you mean?” But Taio quickly turned away from him and was already briskly walking away. “Taio! Wait, come back! What do you mean?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He sprinted a couple of steps to catch up when Taio spun around suddenly, startling Renjun. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I </span>
  </em>
  <span>mean </span>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t want a friend with so many problems! All I want is a normal friend. I have enough to worry about on my own, I don’t need to constantly hear you whine about your daddy issues.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“But I won’t! I promise I won’t say anything else.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Stay away from me, Renjun. Go burden someone else with your problems.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And without another word, he walked away, never even glancing back.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Renjun didn’t try to chase after him, he’d gotten the message. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He stood alone on the sidewalk, watching as his ex-best friend slowly walked out of his life.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Tears burned his eyes, hopelessness crawling up his throat, choking him.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Loneliness gripped his entire body, dragging him into a dark pit, deeper and scarier than any place he had ever experienced. The whole world was crumpling in on itself, shrouding every whisper of light with cold, silent darkness.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He could already feel another wall being built, guarding his weak, weak heart than had already been betrayed so, so many times.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Haechan, are you okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The moment Renjun noticed Haechan slumped on the ground in the hallway, holding back tears, he immediately rushed over to his friend. He had already said goodbye to Chenle, who had to leave for another schedule, and was instantly alarmed to see his usually cheerful, energy-high member look so defeated.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sat down next to him on the ground and watched his friend carefully as Haechan sniffed and responded slowly, “Yeah, I just. . .” his voice trailed off and he had to clear his throat before finishing, “Never mind, it’s stupid.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Renjun gently grasped his hand and intwinding their fingers, knowing how much comfort Haechan took in skinship. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, I promise not to tell anyone else,” Renjun swore confidently, then added, “But it’s fine if you don’t want to tell me either.” He wouldn’t blame Haechan for not wanting to share his troubles, he wasn’t like Jaemin, who wouldn’t stop pestering until he found out what was wrong.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He watched Haechan sniffle and wipe his watery eyes with the palm of his hand. Then he carefully laid his head down on Renjun’s shoulder, his breathing already beginning to slow down. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hoping to calm his obviously distressed friend, Renjun wrapped his free arm around him gently. He wanted to help Haechan. Wanted to know what was causing him such pain. Wanted to give him the safeness and security he needed to confide in someone, just as Chenle had done to Renjun earlier. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want to tell you, just, make sure you never tell anyone else. Ever.” Haechan spoke seriously, a drastic change from his usual playful and carefree tone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course,” Renjun promised, equally as serious. On the inside, he was jumping with joy that Haechan had trusted him with such a seemingly important secret.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The younger sighed, his head still resting comfortably on Renjun’s shoulder, and he started evenly, “Mark-hyung and I were going to eat lunch together today, like we do every Wednesday. But he had to cancel to help Sungchan with some of his lines.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A hint of sadness creeped into his voice and steadily increased as he continued, “And it would have been completely fine if this was the first time he’s had to cancel, but . . . it’s not. Last week he was too busy with SuperM. And the time before that it was because a pipe broke on the tenth floor and their dorm started flooding. And--” His rambling broke off with a pained sob, and Renjun gripped his hand tighter.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span> “I know it’s not his fault, it’s just. . .” his voice cracked with uncontrollable sadness, and tears began to slip from his eyes once again. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I feel like I’m losing my best friend,” he finished weakly, barely able to keep from sobbing in desperation. Before Renjun could say anything, he added halfheartedly, “I know, it’s stupid.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shaking his head, Renjun pulled away from Haechan to sit in front of him, forcing him to make eye contact. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not stupid, Haechan,” he lectured sternly, “You miss your friend, there’s nothing wrong with that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not just that I miss him, though,” Haechan explained, looking desperately at the older. “I feel like he doesn’t want to hang out with me anymore. Almost like he’s been avoiding me.” And then he broke down with heavy, gut-wrenching sobs, covering his face with his hands as his whole body shook with emotion.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, hey, hey,” Renjun soothed softly, embracing him tightly. “Don’t cry, everything’s going to be okay. I promise he’s not avoiding you, Mark-hyung isn’t like that. He loves you. He’s just been busy with the infinite groups he’s been put in.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Haechan hugged him back with equal strength as he listened to Renjun’s warm reassurances, his mood slowly lifting.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Besides, Mark-hyung is back in Dream now. </span>
  <em>
    <span>And</span>
  </em>
  <span> you’re promoting 90’s Love with him, so you’ll have even more schedules with him,” Renjun pointed out, “Before you know it, you’ll be begging me to get a break from him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>This made Haechan laugh softly, muffled from the way his face was buried into Renjun’s shoulder. “It might feel like you’re growing apart, but soon, everything will go back to normal. I’m sure of it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Haechan pulled away his eyes were much brighter, and his tears had stopped. With a small smile, he concluded, “You’re right, Renjun. He’s had a lot going on, 2020 has been crazy for all of us, but especially for him.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Suddenly he groaned and flung his head back, covering face with his hands again. “Why do I always overreact? I go to every 127 promotion with him and literally live in the same </span>
  <em>
    <span>building</span>
  </em>
  <span> as him! Meanwhile you barely </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> see him. Oh my gosh, I hate myself.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Though he said it lightly, Renjun immediately scolded him, “Hey, don’t you dare say that. Otherwise I have to tell you all the reasons why you’re amazing and how much everyone loves you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>That made Haechan smirk, and he uncovered his face to make eye contact. A glint of mischief glistened in his gaze as he confirmed jokingly, “Okay, I definitely hate myself.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ya! Stop saying that, I mean it. Seriously, just look at the comments on any of our music videos. Literally every single person is talking nonstop about how amazing you are and how you’re the best vocalist in the industry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, okay, fine. I’ll admit it, I am pretty amazing, aren’t I?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Without a doubt.” They were silent for a moment, smiling warmly at each other, before Haechan spoke.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks, Jun, I really appreciate this. I’m glad I have a friend I can tell everything to.” He paused and observed Renjun carefully, then questioned, “You’ll tell me if anything’s up with you though, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Renjun opened his mouth, then closed it. All the secrets that he had kept from his members over the past years flashed through his mind in a flurry. How would they react if he revealed the truth about his past? Would they be mad he kept it from them? Would they stop trusting him altogether?</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Questions and anxieties flashed through his head like bullets, and with a voice as steady as possible, he lied, “Yeah, of course.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>If it were Jaemin sitting in front of him, his lie would have been caught straight away. But because it was innocent Haechan, who was unbelievably trusting and never failed to see the best in everyone, he was rewarded with a bright smile and a simple, “I’m glad.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before the moment could turn awkward, Renjun stood up and suggested, “Should we go learn some dance moves from the Make a Wish team now?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Haechan quickly agreed and they walked together into the practice room down the hall, where they were instantly met with chaos.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please let me know what you think! Feel welcome to add suggestions or corrections. :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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